Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h. (DMC alternates are 3740 745 3052 937 3802 223)

(1 review)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

(1 review)
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Franky The Thinker - Cross Stitch Pattern by Glendon Place
Stitched on 28 count Okefenokee Crossed Wing Linen with DMC floss. The stitch count is 130W x 180H.

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I Cross Stitch - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I cross stitch so I don't kill people". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count Aida, cotton thread, one 6 inch wood hoop, needle and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Can't Adult - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Can't Adult Today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Ten Extra Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's floss (or DMC White, 739, 738, 436, 3828, 420, 954, 912, 911, 819, 818, 3326, 335, 309, 356, 841, 839, 898, 3371, 318, 3790). Stitch Count: 57x80.

(6 reviews)
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Buttercup - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "Suck it up Buttercup". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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People Person - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I am so not a people person". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Speak My Mind - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Speak My Mind Because It Hurts To Bite My Tongue". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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WTF (Where's The Food) - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "WTF (Where's The Food)". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Safari Friends - Cross Stitch Pattern by Stoney Creek
"Big or small, short or tall, don't forget God loves us all." "Everybody needs someone to look up to." "God hears our softest prayer...even if it's a little buzz." "Everyone smiles in the same language". "Love is the only thing you get more of by giving it away." "Listen...you can hear better that way." "Friendship lifts you up when the world lets you down." "I hear yea's better than nay's." "Gold's love tucks me in and keeps me warm." "If you want a friend, you must be a friend." "Those who know God smile." "The only race to be concerned about is the human race." All models stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with Anchor or DMC floss. Finished sizes are approximately 4 1/4" x 6".

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Stitch Wits I'd Agree - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Cross Stitch kit featuring the humorous sentiment "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong". Put a smile on someone's face with witty little sayings and words of wisdom. This fun to stitch kit is quick to stitch, perfect as a quick weekend project or gift. This cross stitch kit contains 14 count ivory Aida, one 6 inch embroidery hoop for stitching and finishing, cotton thread, one needle and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches.

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A Few Hoots - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Families are like owls. Mostly sweet with a few hoots." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 83x210. Designed by Ursula Michael.

(3 reviews)
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Morning Dog - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Featuring the humorous sentiment "Do I look like a morning person". This Counted Cross Stitch kit comes complete with: 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, and Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7"

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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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Web Of Stash - Cross Stitch Pattern by Glendon Place
"Eek! I am caught in a web of stash and I can't stitch out!" Model stitched on 28 count Flash Cashel Linen from Picture This Plus with Weeks Dye Works and Kreinik #4 Braid. The stitch count is 108W x 68H.

(2 reviews)
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Aged Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Wine gets better with age. The older I get the better I like it."
Model stitched on 14 count white cloth using DMC.
Stitch count: 44W x 140H.

(1 review)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Don't be shy - "Wine a bit, You'll feel Better!" Includes wine bottle charm. Finished design size is 5 1/4" x 3 3/4" when stitched on 14 Count fabric.

(2 reviews)
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Aunty Acid Great Man Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

(1 review)
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Both Wrong - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Hell - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "Hell Is Other People". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Not Snarky - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I'm Not Snarky, I'm Selectively Polite". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Shoes - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "Don't get mad, get new shoes". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Stitch For Wine - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "Will Stitch For Wine". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Symbols - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features a humorous sentiment. This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Dust Bunnies - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "The dust bunnies killed my cleaning fairy". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Full Glass - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "The glass is always full - 1 half air plus 1 half water". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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OMG Mom - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"OMG my mother was right about everything." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Morning Dew Jobelan with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 95x102.

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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Kit by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out, shouting Holy Cow what a ride - unknown." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, thread, needle, chart, instructions, and color key. Finished size is 6" x 10.5".

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Menopausal Dwarfs - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Names of the seven menopausal dwarfs - "Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Forgetful, and Psycho." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's Floss (or DMC floss 972, 970, 3845, 703, 702, 3608, 3607, 208, 413). Stitch Count: 55x84.

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Update Your Status - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. Stitch Count: 145W x 97H.

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1/2 Full o1/2 Empty - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"1/2 full or half empty, still not enough coffee." Stitch Count: 96W x 64H. Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC and Gentle Art Simply Wool.

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Don't Worry Spiders - Cross Stitch Pattern by Moira Blackburn Samplers
"Don't worry spiders, I clean house casually." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 91W x 150H.

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Bathing Beauties - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
This Cross Stitch Kit comes complete with 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, Beads, and Fully Illustrated Instructions. 12" x 12".

(2 reviews)
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Laundry Today Learn-A-Craft - Beginner Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
With its humorous sentiment, Laundry Today is a fun way to get the family to pick up their clothes! A great design for beginners to learn counted cross stitch. Finished Size: 6" diameter (15 cm). Contains presorted cotton thread, 14 count white cotton Aida, 6" plastic hoop, needle and easy instructions.

(1 review)
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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

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Do What Your Wife Said - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"If at first you don't succeed do what your wife said!" Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Weeks Dye Works thread, and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count is 127W x 33H.

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Normal Family - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Remember, as far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family". Model stitched on 32 count Antique White Jobelan with Crescent Colours thread. Stitch count is 134W x 86H.

(1 review)
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Right Shoes - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"I can do anything with the right shoes." Model stitched on 14ct white cloth using DMC floss. Stitch count 141x44. Four crystal Rhinestones are included with pattern.

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Troubled Water - Cross Stitch Pattern by Ink Circles
The first in a "Bad Neighborhoods" series - featuring dead fish floating in the water! Model stitched on 30 Ct. Beige linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC 3013, 3328, 3854, 3835, 3773, 746, 801, 3363, 932, 612). Stitch Count: 71x81.

(1 review)
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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(1 review)
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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting holy cow what a ride".
Model stitched on 14 count White Aida with DMC floss.
The stitch count is 84W x 144H.

(1 review)
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Best Of Friends - Cross Stitch Pattern by Val's Stuff
"Best of friends we'll always be; you, the dog, the cat, and me". Model stitched on 32 count Belfast Smokey Pearl linen using Weeks Dye Works, Silk N'Colors (Belvedere Gardens). DMC conversions available as 437 3685 310 517 ecru 561 3727. Also uses Just Another Button Company. Stitch count: 71W x 65H.

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Blah Blah Blah - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
Model stitched on 20 count light orange rust lugana using Weeks Dye Works Pearl Cotton #5. Stitch count: 71W x 13H.

(1 review)
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Iced Tea - Cross Stitch Pattern by Midnight Stitching
Model stitched on 28ct jazz cashel using DMC, Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works & Kreinik #4 braid. Stitch count 82x73.

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Retirement - Cross Stitch Pattern by Designs By Lisa
"Retirement - Feel the Joy!" was stitched on 28 Ct. Sky Blue Linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 63W x 72H.
"Can't Make Me, I'm Retired" was stitched on 28 Ct. Lambswool linen with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Count:85x65.
(DMC alternates are 3045 977 445 3363 792 791 3802 3371 310)

(3 reviews)
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Snowman Kit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
What do you need to build a snowman? A warm hat, scarf, and mittens, a carrot nose, pipe, coal....oh and of course, plenty of snow! Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana. Stitch Count: 94W x 121H. Includes snowflake charm.

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Our Family Tree - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Our family tree has deep roots and lots of nuts." Model was stitched on 32 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan from Wichelt using Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count: 85W x 53H.

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Early to Bed - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Early to bed, early to rise. Who are we kidding?" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 53W x 85H.

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Mess Stitch Wit - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
"Sorry about the mess, but we live here" - This witty sentiment sums up what makes a house a home. The Mess Stitch Wit by Dimensions is a fun and easy counted cross stitch project. Stitch and finish in the included hoop. Finished size: 6" diameter. This counted cross stitch kit includes: Cotton thread, 14 count ivory Aida, 6" plastic hoop, Needle, Easy instructions.

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