Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Not My Monkeys - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 174x130. Designed by Ursula Michael.

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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(2 reviews)
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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

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Is It Too Late? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
A message to Santa: "Is it too late to be good?" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Cappuccino Country French Linen with Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 39W x 81H. (DMC alternates are 3852 815 434 500 367 712 310)

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Retirement - Cross Stitch Pattern by Designs By Lisa
"Retirement - Feel the Joy!" was stitched on 28 Ct. Sky Blue Linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 63W x 72H.
"Can't Make Me, I'm Retired" was stitched on 28 Ct. Lambswool linen with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Count:85x65.
(DMC alternates are 3045 977 445 3363 792 791 3802 3371 310)

(3 reviews)
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Menopausal Dwarfs - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Names of the seven menopausal dwarfs - "Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Forgetful, and Psycho." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's Floss (or DMC floss 972, 970, 3845, 703, 702, 3608, 3607, 208, 413). Stitch Count: 55x84.

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Ten Extra Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's floss (or DMC White, 739, 738, 436, 3828, 420, 954, 912, 911, 819, 818, 3326, 335, 309, 356, 841, 839, 898, 3371, 318, 3790). Stitch Count: 57x80.

(7 reviews)
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Mess Stitch Wit - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
"Sorry about the mess, but we live here" - This witty sentiment sums up what makes a house a home. The Mess Stitch Wit by Dimensions is a fun and easy counted cross stitch project. Stitch and finish in the included hoop. Finished size: 6" diameter. This counted cross stitch kit includes: Cotton thread, 14 count ivory Aida, 6" plastic hoop, Needle, Easy instructions.

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Do What Your Wife Said - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"If at first you don't succeed do what your wife said!" Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Weeks Dye Works thread, and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count is 127W x 33H.

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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

(2 reviews)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Don't be shy - "Wine a bit, You'll feel Better!" Includes wine bottle charm. Finished design size is 5 1/4" x 3 3/4" when stitched on 14 Count fabric.

(2 reviews)
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Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h. (DMC alternates are 3740 745 3052 937 3802 223)

(1 review)
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Monday Morning Motto - Cross Stitch Pattern by Designs By Lisa
"I'll rise but I won't shine!"
Model stitched on 28 count hand-dyed Thyme Jobelan using Gentle Art Sampler Threads. DMC conversions are 676 310 420 347 221 869 742 520.
Stitch count: 56W x 84H.

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Country Wise - Cross Stitch Pattern by Prairie Schooler
Models stitched over two threads on 32 count linen using DMC thread. Stitch count: "Plan Ahead" - 157W x 38H; "Keep it Simple" - 160W x 38H; "Measure Twice" - 113W x 70H; "The Witch is In" - 59W x 41H. Book #130

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I Cross Stitch - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I cross stitch so I don't kill people". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count Aida, cotton thread, one 6 inch wood hoop, needle and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Ashes - Cross Stitch Pattern by Turquoise Graphics and Designs
"Ashes of difficult patterns." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Twilight Mist Jobelan with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC floss 3852, 209, 927, 535, 169, 433, 3012, 3740, 930, 932, 612, 3823, 610, 3740, 642, 939, 844, 935, 932, 831). Stitch Count: 64W x 115H.

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Can't Adult - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Can't Adult Today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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People Person - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I am so not a people person". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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OMG Mom - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"OMG my mother was right about everything." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Morning Dew Jobelan with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 95x102.

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Frog Parking - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cross stitch kit features frogs and the humorous sentiment "Frog parking only - all others will be toad". This kit contains 14-count blue Aida fabric, pre-sorted six-strand 100% cotton floss, needle, graph and instructions. Design: Frog Parking: 7"x5".

(1 review)
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Birthday Party (Laura's Thimbles) - Cross Stitch Pattern by AuryTm
Model is stitched on 28 count Stormy Gray Cashel using Crescent Colours threads. Stitch count: 121W x 24H.

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I Barely Survived - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I barely survived yesterday and it's already today!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and a Just Another Button Company button. Stitch Count: 85W x 53H.

(1 review)
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Packed Up Her Potential - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"She packed up her potential and all that she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of shoes and headed out to change a few things." Complete kit includes 28 ct white linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Creative - Cross Stitch Pattern by AuryTm
"God would not have made me this creative if She wanted me to clean." Model stitched on 30 ct. Creme Brulee linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 161W x 201H.

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How Do You Take Your Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"How do you take your coffee? Seriously, very seriously." Stitch Count: 100W x66H. Model stitched on 32 ct Antique white Jobelan using Gentle Art Simply wool, Caron Waterlilies & DMC.

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Morning Dog - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Featuring the humorous sentiment "Do I look like a morning person". This Counted Cross Stitch kit comes complete with: 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, and Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7"

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Normal Family - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Remember, as far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family". Model stitched on 32 count Antique White Jobelan with Crescent Colours thread. Stitch count is 134W x 86H.

(1 review)
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Troubled Water - Cross Stitch Pattern by Ink Circles
The first in a "Bad Neighborhoods" series - featuring dead fish floating in the water! Model stitched on 30 Ct. Beige linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC 3013, 3328, 3854, 3835, 3773, 746, 801, 3363, 932, 612). Stitch Count: 71x81.

(2 reviews)
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Hen Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Little House Needleworks
Model stitched on 28ct. Creme Brulee using DMC & Crescent Colours. Uses Mill Hill Glass Seed Beads and a Tiny Tuscan Sun Swirly Bud by Just Another Button Company. Stitch count: 82 x 54.

(1 review)
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Aged Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Wine gets better with age. The older I get the better I like it."
Model stitched on 14 count white cloth using DMC.
Stitch count: 44W x 140H.

(1 review)
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Best Of Friends - Cross Stitch Pattern by Val's Stuff
"Best of friends we'll always be; you, the dog, the cat, and me". Model stitched on 32 count Belfast Smokey Pearl linen using Weeks Dye Works, Silk N'Colors (Belvedere Gardens). DMC conversions available as 437 3685 310 517 ecru 561 3727. Also uses Just Another Button Company. Stitch count: 71W x 65H.

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Blah Blah Blah - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
Model stitched on 20 count light orange rust lugana using Weeks Dye Works Pearl Cotton #5. Stitch count: 71W x 13H.

(1 review)
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Early to Bed - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Early to bed, early to rise. Who are we kidding?" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 53W x 85H.

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Aunty Acid Crazy Crafter Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "I run with scissors, I gallop with glue, I'm a crazy crafter, how 'bout you?". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Aunty Acid Grateful For Friday - Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Aunty Acid is a modern "with it" editorial that speaks about love, life, work and relationships. Display her wit and wisdom at home or in your work space. This cross stitch kit includes: 14 count Aida, 6-strand cotton floss, needle, graph and instructions. Alphabet included for personalization. 8" x 8" 14 Count.

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Aunty Acid Mirrors Don't Lie Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for some they don't laugh either". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Aunty Acid Other Personalities Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "I wish one of my other personalities loved to clean". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Cake Required - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"A great many things can be resolved with kindness. Even more with laughter, but there are some things that just require cake." Complete kit includes 28 ct green linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Cape And Tiara - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world." Complete kit includes 28 ct orange linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Dog Hair - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Dog Hair....just another specialty fiber!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and DMC. Stitch Count: 77W x 59H. Buttons from Just Another Button Company sold separately.

(2 reviews)
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Eat the Chocolate - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"4 out of 5 voices in my head say...eat the chocolate!" Variations included for "eat the cupcake", "eat the cookie", and "eat the snack." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 69W x 67H.

(4 reviews)
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Our Family Tree - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Our family tree has deep roots and lots of nuts." Model was stitched on 32 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan from Wichelt using Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count: 85W x 53H.

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Sweet and Salty - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
Model stitched on 30 count Chartreuse linen by Weeks Dye Works using DMC, Crescent Colours. Stitch count: 32W x 46H. Optional designer used some red glass beads for sparkle on the cherry and also 1 white bead for the highlight on the cherry.

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Tis Halloween - Cross Stitch Pattern by Plum Street Samplers
Model stitched on 36 Ct. Autumn Gold from Lakeside Linens using one strand of silk floss over 2 threads. Stitch Count: 129W x 74H. Threads used - Crescent Colours Belle Soie Silks. DMC equivalents are 154 310 400 612 3051 3776 ecru.

(2 reviews)
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Twice Curse Doom & Gloom - Cross Stitch Pattern by Ink Circles
Models stitched on 32 Ct. Storm hand-dyed linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC 815, 3746, 3774, 3836, 746, 645,730). Stitch Count: 59W x 58H each. Comes with wool felt pieces for trim.

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1/2 Full o1/2 Empty - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"1/2 full or half empty, still not enough coffee." Stitch Count: 96W x 64H. Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC and Gentle Art Simply Wool.

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A Few Hoots - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Families are like owls. Mostly sweet with a few hoots." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 83x210. Designed by Ursula Michael.

(3 reviews)
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A Very Faint Line - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"The line is very faint between hobby and mental illness." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ivory Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and Just Another Button Company buttons (4483S, 1171S, 3361, 3369M, 3387). Stitch Count: 48W x 83H.

(2 reviews)
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All About Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"It IS all about me!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 89W x 57H.

(3 reviews)
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