Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.

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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(3 reviews)
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Be a Flamingo - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Be a Flamingo by Dimensions is a light-hearted reminder that it's OK to stand out from the crowd. In this piece, the counted cross stitch design is worked on Aida printed with a watercolor background. Finished size: 5" x 7". This cross stitch kit contains presorted thread, printed 14 count white Aida, needle, and instructions.

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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

(1 review)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Don't be shy - "Wine a bit, You'll feel Better!" Includes wine bottle charm. Finished design size is 5 1/4" x 3 3/4" when stitched on 14 Count fabric.

(2 reviews)
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Count Me Baby - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Count me baby, all night long." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100x120.

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Laundry Today Learn-A-Craft - Beginner Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
With its humorous sentiment, Laundry Today is a fun way to get the family to pick up their clothes! A great design for beginners to learn counted cross stitch. Finished Size: 6" diameter (15 cm). Contains presorted cotton thread, 14 count white cotton Aida, 6" plastic hoop, needle and easy instructions.

(1 review)
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Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h. (DMC alternates are 3740 745 3052 937 3802 223)

(1 review)
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Iced Tea - Cross Stitch Pattern by Midnight Stitching
Model stitched on 28ct jazz cashel using DMC, Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works & Kreinik #4 braid. Stitch count 82x73.

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Queen Bee - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"All Hail the Queen." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H

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Inner Unicorn - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and DMC Light Effects. Stitch Count: 100W x 140H.

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Sarcasm - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Sarcasm - The perfect answer to every stupid questions." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 130W x 160H

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Aunty Acid Morning Person Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "I could definitely be a morning person if morning started at noon". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Can't Adult - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Can't Adult Today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Silent Treatment - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "My brain is giving me the silent treatment today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count black Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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OMG Mom - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"OMG my mother was right about everything." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Morning Dew Jobelan with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 95x102.

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Our Family Tree - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Our family tree has deep roots and lots of nuts." Model was stitched on 32 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan from Wichelt using Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count: 85W x 53H.

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Frog Parking - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cross stitch kit features frogs and the humorous sentiment "Frog parking only - all others will be toad". This kit contains 14-count blue Aida fabric, pre-sorted six-strand 100% cotton floss, needle, graph and instructions. Design: Frog Parking: 7"x5".

(1 review)
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Ten Extra Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's floss (or DMC White, 739, 738, 436, 3828, 420, 954, 912, 911, 819, 818, 3326, 335, 309, 356, 841, 839, 898, 3371, 318, 3790). Stitch Count: 57x80.

(7 reviews)
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All About Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"It IS all about me!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 89W x 57H.

(4 reviews)
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Inner Tube - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"Success is just having one more patch than you have holes in your inner tube." Complete kit includes 28 ct pink linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Packed Up Her Potential - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"She packed up her potential and all that she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of shoes and headed out to change a few things." Complete kit includes 28 ct white linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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Is It Too Late? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
A message to Santa: "Is it too late to be good?" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Cappuccino Country French Linen with Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 39W x 81H. (DMC alternates are 3852 815 434 500 367 712 310)

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Cats, The - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
Model stitched on 18ct. White Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count: 141w x 162h.

(1 review)
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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting holy cow what a ride".
Model stitched on 14 count White Aida with DMC floss.
The stitch count is 84W x 144H.

(1 review)
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Snowman Kit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
What do you need to build a snowman? A warm hat, scarf, and mittens, a carrot nose, pipe, coal....oh and of course, plenty of snow! Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana. Stitch Count: 94W x 121H. Includes snowflake charm.

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Web Of Stash - Cross Stitch Pattern by Glendon Place
"Eek! I am caught in a web of stash and I can't stitch out!" Model stitched on 28 count Flash Cashel Linen from Picture This Plus with Weeks Dye Works and Kreinik #4 Braid. The stitch count is 108W x 68H.

(3 reviews)
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Women are Angels - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly.. on our broomsticks. We're flexible like that!" Model stitched on 14/28 count Antique White Lugana using Sullivan's floss. DMC conversions available. Stitch count: 125W x 97H.

(1 review)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

(2 reviews)
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I Cross Stitch - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I cross stitch so I don't kill people". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count Aida, cotton thread, one 6 inch wood hoop, needle and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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I Love Boobies - Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss and Threadworx floss. Stitch Count: 118x69.

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Mess Stitch Wit - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
"Sorry about the mess, but we live here" - This witty sentiment sums up what makes a house a home. The Mess Stitch Wit by Dimensions is a fun and easy counted cross stitch project. Stitch and finish in the included hoop. Finished size: 6" diameter. This counted cross stitch kit includes: Cotton thread, 14 count ivory Aida, 6" plastic hoop, Needle, Easy instructions.

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Miserable Cow - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Be a sparkly unicorn, not a miserable cow." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 105W x 169H

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Sexy Chick - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"I'm a sexy chick." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 112W x 75H.

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Stitch & Drink Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Stitch. Drink wine. Be happy." Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 140W x 125H.

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The Struggle is Real - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100W x 100H.

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To Glam to Give a Damn - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H.

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Warped Humor - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I have a warped sense of humor and I'm not afraid to use it." Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 95W x 63H.

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Cat Bad Hair Day - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Welcome bad hair day - it's only one day, not the rest of your life."
Model stitched on 32 Ct. White Linen using DMC floss, Caron Waterlilies, Kreinik #4 Braid, Mill Hill Beads & Rainbow Gallery treasure braid PB33.
Stitch Count: 110W x 154H.

(1 review)
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Early to Bed - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Early to bed, early to rise. Who are we kidding?" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 53W x 85H.

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Just Say No - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Just say no to stupidity" Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 100W x 140H

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Maybe Wine Will Help - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Maybe Wine Will Help!" Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 100W x 128H

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Menopausal Dwarfs - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Names of the seven menopausal dwarfs - "Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Forgetful, and Psycho." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's Floss (or DMC floss 972, 970, 3845, 703, 702, 3608, 3607, 208, 413). Stitch Count: 55x84.

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Ashes - Cross Stitch Pattern by Turquoise Graphics and Designs
"Ashes of difficult patterns." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Twilight Mist Jobelan with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC floss 3852, 209, 927, 535, 169, 433, 3012, 3740, 930, 932, 612, 3823, 610, 3740, 642, 939, 844, 935, 932, 831). Stitch Count: 64W x 115H.

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Be the Flamingo - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Be the flamingo in the flock of pigeons." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100x160.

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Birthday Party (Laura's Thimbles) - Cross Stitch Pattern by AuryTm
Model is stitched on 28 count Stormy Gray Cashel using Crescent Colours threads. Stitch count: 121W x 24H.

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Did you Ever Stop to Think Giggle Boxer - Cross Stitch Kit by Lizzie Kate
"Did you ever stop to think & forget to start again?" Kit includes 27 Ct. Cream Northern Cross Linen, 3 tiny red buttons, chart, and needle. Also required, but not included in the kit: Gentle Art Sampler Threads and Weeks Dye Works floss. Finished size is about 3 1/2" x 7 3/4".

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I Solemnly Sweart I Am Up to No Good - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Cashel linen with DMC floss, Gentle Art Sampler threads, Mill Hill beads and Rainbow Gallery Petite Treasure Braid. Stitch Count: 111W x 97H

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Nut House - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cute word/picture combo makes a perfect little accent for your home or office cubicle. Nut House by Dimensions in counted cross stitch is fun and easy to stitch. Finished size: 4" diameter. Kit contains presorted thread, 14 count white Aida, 4" wood hoop for finishing, needle, and easy instructions.

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