Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Hen Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Little House Needleworks
Model stitched on 28ct. Creme Brulee using DMC & Crescent Colours. Uses Mill Hill Glass Seed Beads and a Tiny Tuscan Sun Swirly Bud by Just Another Button Company. Stitch count: 82 x 54.

(1 review)
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When I am Old I Will Celebrate More - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with DMC floss, Mill Hill beads and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 65W x 71H

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I Should Quit - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I should quit while I'm behind." Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 99W x 67H.

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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

(2 reviews)
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Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h. (DMC alternates are 3740 745 3052 937 3802 223)

(1 review)
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Late for Work! - Cross Stitch Pattern by Xs And Ohs
"I read, therefore I am...late for work!" "I stitch, therefore I am...late for work!" You can also change the first line to your own favorite hobby, three additional choices included; garden; sew and shop. Model stitched on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC floss. Two colorways and five design elements included. Stitch count is 122W x 98H.

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Well Behaved Women - Cross Stitch Kit by Lizzie Kate
"Well behaved women rarely make history." Kit includes pattern, 27 Ct. Cream linen, pattern, and button. Also required, but not included are Gentle Art Sampler threads, Weeks Dye Works floss and DMC floss (or all DMC 744, 3811, 3705, 829, 3848, 731, 3348). Stitch Count: 44W x 101H. Finished Size: 3.5" x 7.75"

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Irony (Laundry Company 3) - Cross Stitch Pattern by Hands On Design
"Irony - the opposite of wrinkly" Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. White Belfast linen with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 63x91

(1 review)
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Iced Tea - Cross Stitch Pattern by Midnight Stitching
Model stitched on 28ct jazz cashel using DMC, Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works & Kreinik #4 braid. Stitch count 82x73.

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Stitching Each Day - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
"Stitching each day keeps the crazy away!" Model stitched over two on 30 Ct. Parchment Linen by Weeks Dye Works using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts floss. (DMC alternates are 898 315 907 600 894 3809 906 964) Stitch count 85x108.

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Where the Heart Is - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"Home is where the heart is, even if you can't remember which box you packed it in. Happy new home." Complete kit includes 28 Ct. linen beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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No Epitaph Ever Said Her House Was Not Clean by MarNic Designs
Model stitched over two on 28 ct Antique White Jobelan using DMC, Kreinik #4 braid Mill Hill Beads & Rainbow Gallery Petite treasure braid. Stitch Count: 68W x 50H

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Let it Begin With Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Let there be caffeine on Earth and let it begin with me!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte with Weeks Dye Works floss (or DMC 829, 610, 433, 898, 3031, 3371). Stitch Count: 126W x 98H. Second model for "cabernet" instead of "caffeine" was stitched over 1 thread on 32 Ct. Vintage Lentil by Lakeside Linens with Weeks Dye Works floss (Caper, Charcoal, Lancaster Red, Eggplant, Crimson, Peacoat).

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Frogs in Your Underpants - Cross Stitch Pattern by The Nebby Needle
"May the light always find you on a dreary day. When you need a home may you find your way. May you always have courage to take a chance - and never find frogs in your underpants." Model stitched over 2 threads on 36 Ct. Vintage Lentil with Weeks Dye Works floss and Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 166W x 165H.

(1 review)
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More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.

(1 review)
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Ten Extra Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's or DMC. Stitch Count: 57x80.

(7 reviews)
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Aged Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Wine gets better with age. The older I get the better I like it."
Model stitched on 14 count white cloth using DMC.
Stitch count: 44W x 140H.

(2 reviews)
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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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Is It Too Late? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
A message to Santa: "Is it too late to be good?" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Cappuccino Country French Linen with Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 39W x 81H. (DMC alternates are 3852 815 434 500 367 712 310)

(2 reviews)
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Welcome to the Nuthouse - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
A cute little squirrel welcomes you to "the Nuthouse!" Stitch Count: 71H x 91W. Model was stitched on 28 ct Riviera Country French Linen from Wichelt using Gentle Art Sampler threads (DMC alternates available).

(2 reviews)
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Snowman Kit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
What do you need to build a snowman? A warm hat, scarf, and mittens, a carrot nose, pipe, coal....oh and of course, plenty of snow! Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana. Stitch Count: 94W x 121H. Includes snowflake charm.

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I'm Not Weird - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
"I'm not weird. I'm limited edition." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, wooden hoop and instructions. Finished size: 8".

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Biker Babes - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
Model Stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 89W x 81H

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Size Will Not Matter - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"When I am old... size will not matter!" Model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC floss, Gentle Art Sampler threads and Rainbow Gallery Petite Treasure braids. Stitch count 84w x 47h

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Growing Old is Inevitable - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Growing old is inevitable. Aging is optional." Stitch Count: 84W x 65H

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I'm Sorry Did My Eyes Roll Out Loud? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I'm sorry, did my eyes roll out loud" - Model stitched over 2 threads on 30 Ct. Grasshopper linen. Stitch Count: 77x44. "Trust me you can dance love, wine" (with variations for beer, vodka & tequila) - Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 ct. Flapper linen. Stitch Count: 68x47. Both models stiched with DMC floss.

(1 review)
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Bow Before Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"It's my birthday. Bow before me, peasants!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 25 Ct. Moss Celadon Lugana with DMC floss, Kreinik #4 Braid, and Mill Hill Beads. Stitch Count: 100W x 120H.

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Christmas Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
"When, what to my wondering eyes did appear but ten extra pounds on my thighs and my rear." Model stitched over 2 on 28 Ct. Country French Latte using Gentle Art threads. (DMC alternates are 726 912 3832 902 3776 3716 353 938 422 612 3815 321 white) Stitch Count: 96W x 145H

(2 reviews)
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Early Bird - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"The early bird can have the worm 'cause worms are gross and mornings are stupid!" Framed model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Moonglow by Picture this Plus, using DMC floss & Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch count 70x121. Pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Banana Popsicle linen by Weeks Dye Works, using DMC Pearl #5 or Dinky Dye's Jumbuck. Stitch count 67x30. Pillow also uses a button pack from Just Another Button Company. (DMC LISTED FOR FRAMED PATTERN ONLY)

(1 review)
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Who Ate My Ice Cream? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Vickery Collection
Model stitched on 16 Ct. white Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count 169x107

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Dust Bunnies - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "The dust bunnies killed my cleaning fairy". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Our Family Tree - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Our family tree has deep roots and lots of nuts." Model was stitched on 32 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan from Wichelt using Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count: 85W x 53H.

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A Few Hoots - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Families are like owls. Mostly sweet with a few hoots." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 83x210. Designed by Ursula Michael.

(3 reviews)
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Menopausal Dwarfs - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Names of the seven menopausal dwarfs - "Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Forgetful, and Psycho." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's Floss (or DMC floss 972, 970, 3845, 703, 702, 3608, 3607, 208, 413). Stitch Count: 55x84.

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Water Essential - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Water is the most essential element of life, without it u can't make coffee." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Beige Jobelan with Caron Collection Waterlilies and DMC floss. Stitch Count: 121W x 103H

(1 review)
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Drive a Stick - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"Yes, I can drive a stick." Model stitched on 30 Ct. Lilac linen by Weeks Dye Works with Sullivan's floss. Stitch Count: 80H x 58W.

(20 reviews)
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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

(1 review)
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Wear A Smile - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32 Ct. Hand Dyed African Daisy Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works. DMC equivalents are 798 3777 3347. Stitch Count: 58W x 50H. Button from Just Another button company sold separately.

(1 review)
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All About Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"It IS all about me!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 89W x 57H.

(4 reviews)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Don't be shy - "Wine a bit, You'll feel Better!" Includes wine bottle charm. Finished design size is 5 1/4" x 3 3/4" when stitched on 14 Count fabric.

(2 reviews)
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Eat the Chocolate - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"4 out of 5 voices in my head say...eat the chocolate!" Variations included for "eat the cupcake", "eat the cookie", and "eat the snack." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 69W x 67H.

(4 reviews)
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How Do You Take Your Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"How do you take your coffee? Seriously, very seriously." Stitch Count: 100W x66H. Model stitched on 32 ct Antique white Jobelan using Gentle Art Simply wool, Caron Waterlilies & DMC.

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I Barely Survived - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I barely survived yesterday and it's already today!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and a Just Another Button Company button. Stitch Count: 85W x 53H.

(1 review)
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Laundry Today Learn-A-Craft - Beginner Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
With its humorous sentiment, Laundry Today is a fun way to get the family to pick up their clothes! A great design for beginners to learn counted cross stitch. Finished Size: 6" diameter (15 cm). Contains presorted cotton thread, 14 count white cotton Aida, 6" plastic hoop, needle and easy instructions.

(2 reviews)
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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(3 reviews)
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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting holy cow what a ride".
Model stitched on 14 count White Aida with DMC floss.
The stitch count is 84W x 144H.

(1 review)
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Lost It! - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I think I've lost my mind - maybe it's with my car keys!!!" Model stitched on 28 count Cream Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 55W x 61H.

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Retirement - Cross Stitch Pattern by Designs By Lisa
"Retirement - Feel the Joy!" was stitched on 28 Ct. Sky Blue Linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 63W x 72H.
"Can't Make Me, I'm Retired" was stitched on 28 Ct. Lambswool linen with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Count:85x65.
(DMC alternates are 3045 977 445 3363 792 791 3802 3371 310)

(3 reviews)
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Women are Angels - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly.. on our broomsticks. We're flexible like that!" Model stitched on 14/28 count Antique White Lugana using Sullivan's floss or DMC floss. Stitch count: 125W x 97H.

(2 reviews)
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Do What Your Wife Said - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"If at first you don't succeed do what your wife said!" Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Weeks Dye Works thread, and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count is 127W x 33H.

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Deck the Halls - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Deck the halls and not your family! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 60W x 81H.

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Ho Ho No - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Ho Ho No! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 40W x 51H

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