Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Christmas Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
"When, what to my wondering eyes did appear but ten extra pounds on my thighs and my rear." Model stitched over 2 on 28 Ct. Country French Latte using Gentle Art threads. (DMC alternates are 726 912 3832 902 3776 3716 353 938 422 612 3815 321 white) Stitch Count: 96W x 145H

(1 review)
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Early Bird - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"The early bird can have the worm 'cause worms are gross and mornings are stupid!" Framed model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Moonglow by Picture this Plus, using DMC floss & Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch count 70x121. Pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Banana Popsicle linen by Weeks Dye Works, using DMC Pearl #5 or Dinky Dye's Jumbuck. Stitch count 67x30. Pillow also uses a button pack from Just Another Button Company. (DMC LISTED FOR FRAMED PATTERN ONLY)

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Hen Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Little House Needleworks
Model stitched on 28ct. Creme Brulee using DMC & Crescent Colours. Uses Mill Hill Glass Seed Beads and a Tiny Tuscan Sun Swirly Bud by Just Another Button Company. Stitch count: 82 x 54.

(1 review)
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More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.

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Stitch Wits I'd Agree - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Cross Stitch kit featuring the humorous sentiment "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong". Put a smile on someone's face with witty little sayings and words of wisdom. This fun to stitch kit is quick to stitch, perfect as a quick weekend project or gift. This cross stitch kit contains 14 count ivory Aida, one 6 inch embroidery hoop for stitching and finishing, cotton thread, one needle and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches.

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Ten Extra Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's floss (or DMC White, 739, 738, 436, 3828, 420, 954, 912, 911, 819, 818, 3326, 335, 309, 356, 841, 839, 898, 3371, 318, 3790). Stitch Count: 57x80.

(7 reviews)
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The Queen - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Features the humorous sentiment "We can't all be the Queen... someone has to sit on the curb and clap as I go by". This cross stitch kit comes complete with 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7".

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Warped Humor - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I have a warped sense of humor and I'm not afraid to use it." Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 95W x 63H.

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Aunty Acid Great Man Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

(1 review)
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Cat Bad Hair Day - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Welcome bad hair day - it's only one day, not the rest of your life."
Model stitched on 32 Ct. White Linen using DMC floss, Caron Waterlilies, Kreinik #4 Braid, Mill Hill Beads & Rainbow Gallery treasure braid PB33.
Stitch Count: 110W x 154H.

(1 review)
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All About Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"It IS all about me!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 89W x 57H.

(4 reviews)
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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

(1 review)
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A Very Faint Line - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"The line is very faint between hobby and mental illness." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ivory Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and Just Another Button Company buttons (4483S, 1171S, 3361, 3369M, 3387). Stitch Count: 48W x 83H.

(2 reviews)
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Is It Too Late? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
A message to Santa: "Is it too late to be good?" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Cappuccino Country French Linen with Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 39W x 81H. (DMC alternates are 3852 815 434 500 367 712 310)

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Retirement - Cross Stitch Pattern by Designs By Lisa
"Retirement - Feel the Joy!" was stitched on 28 Ct. Sky Blue Linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 63W x 72H.
"Can't Make Me, I'm Retired" was stitched on 28 Ct. Lambswool linen with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Count:85x65.
(DMC alternates are 3045 977 445 3363 792 791 3802 3371 310)

(3 reviews)
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Iced Tea - Cross Stitch Pattern by Midnight Stitching
Model stitched on 28ct jazz cashel using DMC, Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works & Kreinik #4 braid. Stitch count 82x73.

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Be a Flamingo - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Be a Flamingo by Dimensions is a light-hearted reminder that it's OK to stand out from the crowd. In this piece, the counted cross stitch design is worked on Aida printed with a watercolor background. Finished size: 5" x 7". This cross stitch kit contains presorted thread, printed 14 count white Aida, needle, and instructions.

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Sexy Chick - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"I'm a sexy chick." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 112W x 75H.

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Not My Monkeys - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 174x130. Designed by Ursula Michael.

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Aunty Acid Crazy Crafter Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "I run with scissors, I gallop with glue, I'm a crazy crafter, how 'bout you?". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Aunty Acid Mirrors Don't Lie Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for some they don't laugh either". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Kit by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out, shouting Holy Cow what a ride - unknown." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, thread, needle, chart, instructions, and color key. Finished size is 6" x 10.5".

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Frog Parking - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cross stitch kit features frogs and the humorous sentiment "Frog parking only - all others will be toad". This kit contains 14-count blue Aida fabric, pre-sorted six-strand 100% cotton floss, needle, graph and instructions. Design: Frog Parking: 7"x5".

(1 review)
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Troubled Water - Cross Stitch Pattern by Ink Circles
The first in a "Bad Neighborhoods" series - featuring dead fish floating in the water! Model stitched on 30 Ct. Beige linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC 3013, 3328, 3854, 3835, 3773, 746, 801, 3363, 932, 612). Stitch Count: 71x81.

(2 reviews)
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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(3 reviews)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Don't be shy - "Wine a bit, You'll feel Better!" Includes wine bottle charm. Finished design size is 5 1/4" x 3 3/4" when stitched on 14 Count fabric.

(2 reviews)
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Did you Ever Stop to Think Giggle Boxer - Cross Stitch Kit by Lizzie Kate
"Did you ever stop to think & forget to start again?" Kit includes 27 Ct. Cream Northern Cross Linen, 3 tiny red buttons, chart, and needle. Also required, but not included in the kit: Gentle Art Sampler Threads and Weeks Dye Works floss. Finished size is about 3 1/2" x 7 3/4".

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Dog Hair - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Dog Hair....just another specialty fiber!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and DMC. Stitch Count: 77W x 59H. Buttons from Just Another Button Company sold separately.

(3 reviews)
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Bow Before Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"It's my birthday. Bow before me, peasants!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 25 Ct. Moss Celadon Lugana with DMC floss, Kreinik #4 Braid, and Mill Hill Beads. Stitch Count: 100W x 120H.

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Mess Stitch Wit - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
"Sorry about the mess, but we live here" - This witty sentiment sums up what makes a house a home. The Mess Stitch Wit by Dimensions is a fun and easy counted cross stitch project. Stitch and finish in the included hoop. Finished size: 6" diameter. This counted cross stitch kit includes: Cotton thread, 14 count ivory Aida, 6" plastic hoop, Needle, Easy instructions.

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Miserable Cow - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Be a sparkly unicorn, not a miserable cow." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 105W x 169H

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Stitch & Drink Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Stitch. Drink wine. Be happy." Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 140W x 125H.

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The Struggle is Real - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100W x 100H.

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To Glam to Give a Damn - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H.

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Adultish - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"Just another day of not being RICH and FAMOUS" "Adult-ish" "Kinda care, kinda don't." All models were stitched on 30 Ct. Linen color of your choice, using DMC floss. Stitch count for Rich & Famous: 63x80, Stitch count for ADULT-ish: 75x30 & Stitch count for Kinda Care: 51x31.

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Cake Required - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"A great many things can be resolved with kindness. Even more with laughter, but there are some things that just require cake." Complete kit includes 28 ct green linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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I Love Boobies - Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss and Threadworx floss. Stitch Count: 118x69.

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Just Say No - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Just say no to stupidity" Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 100W x 140H

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Maybe Wine Will Help - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Maybe Wine Will Help!" Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 100W x 128H

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Ashes - Cross Stitch Pattern by Turquoise Graphics and Designs
"Ashes of difficult patterns." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Twilight Mist Jobelan with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC floss 3852, 209, 927, 535, 169, 433, 3012, 3740, 930, 932, 612, 3823, 610, 3740, 642, 939, 844, 935, 932, 831). Stitch Count: 64W x 115H.

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Birthday Party (Laura's Thimbles) - Cross Stitch Pattern by AuryTm
Model is stitched on 28 count Stormy Gray Cashel using Crescent Colours threads. Stitch count: 121W x 24H.

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Count Me Baby - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Count me baby, all night long." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100x120.

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Early to Bed - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Early to bed, early to rise. Who are we kidding?" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 53W x 85H.

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I Solemnly Sweart I Am Up to No Good - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Cashel linen with DMC floss, Gentle Art Sampler threads, Mill Hill beads and Rainbow Gallery Petite Treasure Braid. Stitch Count: 111W x 97H

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Normal Family - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Remember, as far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family". Model stitched on 32 count Antique White Jobelan with Crescent Colours thread. Stitch count is 134W x 86H.

(1 review)
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Nut House - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cute word/picture combo makes a perfect little accent for your home or office cubicle. Nut House by Dimensions in counted cross stitch is fun and easy to stitch. Finished size: 4" diameter. Kit contains presorted thread, 14 count white Aida, 4" wood hoop for finishing, needle, and easy instructions.

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Queen Bee - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"All Hail the Queen." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H

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Retirement Crazy - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Retirement is a Full Time Job" is stitched on 28 count Country French Latte Linen with a stitch count of 54W x 72H. "Welcome to the Rest of Your Life" is stitched on 28 count Sand Quaker with a stitch count of 80W x 68H. "World's Longest Coffee Break" is stitched on 32 count Lambswool Linen with a stitch count of 69W x 68H. Models use Gentle Arts Sampler Threads and Weeks Dye Works. (DMC alternates are 931 729 347 3823 3362 930)

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Snowman Kit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
What do you need to build a snowman? A warm hat, scarf, and mittens, a carrot nose, pipe, coal....oh and of course, plenty of snow! Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana. Stitch Count: 94W x 121H. Includes snowflake charm.

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