Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Hen Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Little House Needleworks
Model stitched on 28ct. Creme Brulee using DMC & Crescent Colours. Uses Mill Hill Glass Seed Beads and a Tiny Tuscan Sun Swirly Bud by Just Another Button Company. Stitch count: 82 x 54.

(1 review)
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Is It Too Late? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
A message to Santa: "Is it too late to be good?" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Cappuccino Country French Linen with Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 39W x 81H. (DMC alternates are 3852 815 434 500 367 712 310)

(2 reviews)
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Size Will Not Matter - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"When I am old... size will not matter!" Model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC floss, Gentle Art Sampler threads and Rainbow Gallery Petite Treasure braids. Stitch count 84w x 47h

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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Don't be shy - "Wine a bit, You'll feel Better!" Includes wine bottle charm. Finished design size is 5 1/4" x 3 3/4" when stitched on 14 Count fabric.

(2 reviews)
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Biker Babes - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
Model Stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 89W x 81H

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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

(2 reviews)
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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

(1 review)
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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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Retirement Crazy - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Retirement is a Full Time Job" is stitched on 28 count Country French Latte Linen with a stitch count of 54W x 72H. "Welcome to the Rest of Your Life" is stitched on 28 count Sand Quaker with a stitch count of 80W x 68H. "World's Longest Coffee Break" is stitched on 32 count Lambswool Linen with a stitch count of 69W x 68H. Models use Gentle Arts Sampler Threads and Weeks Dye Works. (DMC alternates are 931 729 347 3823 3362 930)

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Let it Begin With Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Let there be caffeine on Earth and let it begin with me!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte with Weeks Dye Works floss (or DMC 829, 610, 433, 898, 3031, 3371). Stitch Count: 126W x 98H. Second model for "cabernet" instead of "caffeine" was stitched over 1 thread on 32 Ct. Vintage Lentil by Lakeside Linens with Weeks Dye Works floss (Caper, Charcoal, Lancaster Red, Eggplant, Crimson, Peacoat).

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Early Bird - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"The early bird can have the worm 'cause worms are gross and mornings are stupid!" Framed model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Moonglow by Picture this Plus, using DMC floss & Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch count 70x121. Pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Banana Popsicle linen by Weeks Dye Works, using DMC Pearl #5 or Dinky Dye's Jumbuck. Stitch count 67x30. Pillow also uses a button pack from Just Another Button Company. (DMC LISTED FOR FRAMED PATTERN ONLY)

(1 review)
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Drive a Stick - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"Yes, I can drive a stick." Model stitched on 30 Ct. Lilac linen by Weeks Dye Works with Sullivan's floss. Stitch Count: 80H x 58W.

(19 reviews)
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Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h. (DMC alternates are 3740 745 3052 937 3802 223)

(1 review)
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Normal Family - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Remember, as far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family". Model stitched on 32 count Antique White Jobelan with Crescent Colours thread. Stitch count is 134W x 86H.

(1 review)
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Growing Old is Inevitable - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Growing old is inevitable. Aging is optional." Stitch Count: 84W x 65H

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Reading Cow - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
The complete kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, instructions and green Flexi-Hoop. Finished size: 8" x 10.4"

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More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.

(1 review)
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Be the Flamingo - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Be the flamingo in the flock of pigeons." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100x160.

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I Love Boobies - Cross Stitch Pattern by White Willow Stitching
Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss and Threadworx floss. Stitch Count: 118x69.

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I Solemnly Sweart I Am Up to No Good - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Cashel linen with DMC floss, Gentle Art Sampler threads, Mill Hill beads and Rainbow Gallery Petite Treasure Braid. Stitch Count: 111W x 97H

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Can't Adult - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Can't Adult Today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Silent Treatment - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "My brain is giving me the silent treatment today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count black Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Ten Extra Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but 10 extra pounds on hips, thighs, and rear." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's floss (or DMC White, 739, 738, 436, 3828, 420, 954, 912, 911, 819, 818, 3326, 335, 309, 356, 841, 839, 898, 3371, 318, 3790). Stitch Count: 57x80.

(7 reviews)
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Menopausal Dwarfs - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Names of the seven menopausal dwarfs - "Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Forgetful, and Psycho." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's Floss (or DMC floss 972, 970, 3845, 703, 702, 3608, 3607, 208, 413). Stitch Count: 55x84.

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Do What Your Wife Said - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"If at first you don't succeed do what your wife said!" Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Weeks Dye Works thread, and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count is 127W x 33H.

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Laundry Today Learn-A-Craft - Beginner Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
With its humorous sentiment, Laundry Today is a fun way to get the family to pick up their clothes! A great design for beginners to learn counted cross stitch. Finished Size: 6" diameter (15 cm). Contains presorted cotton thread, 14 count white cotton Aida, 6" plastic hoop, needle and easy instructions.

(1 review)
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Cape And Tiara - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world." Complete kit includes 28 ct orange linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Iced Tea - Cross Stitch Pattern by Midnight Stitching
Model stitched on 28ct jazz cashel using DMC, Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works & Kreinik #4 braid. Stitch count 82x73.

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Packed Up Her Potential - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"She packed up her potential and all that she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of shoes and headed out to change a few things." Complete kit includes 28 ct white linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(3 reviews)
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Wear A Smile - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32 Ct. Hand Dyed African Daisy Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works. DMC equivalents are 798 3777 3347. Stitch Count: 58W x 50H. Button from Just Another button company sold separately.

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Inner Tube - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"Success is just having one more patch than you have holes in your inner tube." Complete kit includes 28 ct pink linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting holy cow what a ride".
Model stitched on 14 count White Aida with DMC floss.
The stitch count is 84W x 144H.

(1 review)
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Dog Hair - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Dog Hair....just another specialty fiber!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and DMC. Stitch Count: 77W x 59H. Buttons from Just Another Button Company sold separately.

(3 reviews)
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Frog Parking - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cross stitch kit features frogs and the humorous sentiment "Frog parking only - all others will be toad". This kit contains 14-count blue Aida fabric, pre-sorted six-strand 100% cotton floss, needle, graph and instructions. Design: Frog Parking: 7"x5".

(1 review)
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Bathing Beauties - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
This Cross Stitch Kit comes complete with 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, Beads, and Fully Illustrated Instructions. 12" x 12".

(3 reviews)
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Miserable Cow - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Be a sparkly unicorn, not a miserable cow." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 105W x 169H

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Singing Cow - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
The complete kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, instructions and green Flexi-Hoop. Finished size: 8" x 10.4"

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Stitch & Drink Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Stitch. Drink wine. Be happy." Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 140W x 125H.

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To Glam to Give a Damn - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H.

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Eat the Chocolate - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"4 out of 5 voices in my head say...eat the chocolate!" Variations included for "eat the cupcake", "eat the cookie", and "eat the snack." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 69W x 67H.

(4 reviews)
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Frogs in Your Underpants - Cross Stitch Pattern by The Nebby Needle
"May the light always find you on a dreary day. When you need a home may you find your way. May you always have courage to take a chance - and never find frogs in your underpants." Model stitched over 2 threads on 36 Ct. Vintage Lentil with Weeks Dye Works floss and Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 166W x 165H.

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I'm Sorry Did My Eyes Roll Out Loud? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I'm sorry, did my eyes roll out loud" - Model stitched over 2 threads on 30 Ct. Grasshopper linen. Stitch Count: 77x44. "Trust me you can dance love, wine" (with variations for beer, vodka & tequila) - Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 ct. Flapper linen. Stitch Count: 68x47. Both models stiched with DMC floss.

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Just Say No - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Just say no to stupidity" Model stitched on 14 Ct. aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 100W x 140H

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Sexy Chick - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"I'm a sexy chick." Model stitched on fabric of your choice with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 112W x 75H.

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Taste Your Words- Aunty Acid- Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "Remember: be sure to taste your words before you spit them out". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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The Struggle is Real - Cross Stitch Pattern by
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100W x 100H.

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A Very Faint Line - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"The line is very faint between hobby and mental illness." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ivory Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and Just Another Button Company buttons (4483S, 1171S, 3361, 3369M, 3387). Stitch Count: 48W x 83H.

(2 reviews)
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Dust Bunnies - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "The dust bunnies killed my cleaning fairy". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Early to Bed - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Early to bed, early to rise. Who are we kidding?" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 53W x 85H.

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