Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Nothing to Fear - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"There's nothing to fear but fear itself..and spiders!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 68W x 68H. Shown with a button from Just Another Button Company

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Place For Everything, A - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"A place for everything and nothing in it's place!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 67W x 99H.

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Coffee Drinker's Confession - Cross Stitch Pattern by Heartstring Samplery
"I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without coffee." MOdel stitched one thread over two on 40 Ct. Wren using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks (or all DMC 829, 842, 3371 730, 420, 840, 610, 839, 355) Stitch count is 150W x 70H.

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Self Medicated - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I don't self-medicate with cross stitch. I have a prescriptions. The sales girl called it a receipt." Framed model stitched on 30 Ct Tin Roof and pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Guacamole using Classic Colorworks (or all DMC floss 902, 603, 151 319, 156, 333, 729, 676, 470, 472). Stitch count is Frame- 180W x 74H Pillow - 62W x 41H.

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I Like to Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I like to party - and by party I mean Nap!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Grey w/Dots fabric from Fabric Flair using DMC floss. Stitch count is NAP - 162W x 58H, Just Chillin" 68W x 35H.

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I'm Sorry Did My Eyes Roll Out Loud? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I'm sorry, did my eyes roll out loud" - Model stitched over 2 threads on 30 Ct. Grasshopper linen. Stitch Count: 77x44. "Trust me you can dance love, wine" (with variations for beer, vodka & tequila) - Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 ct. Flapper linen. Stitch Count: 68x47. Both models stiched with DMC floss.

(1 review)
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Stitch a Day - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"A stitch a day keeps the crazy away." Large pillow model stitched on 28 Ct. Pink from Fabric Flair, Small pillow stitched on 35 Ct. Sophia's Pink and Framed model stitched on 28 Ct. Kermit using DMC floss. Stitch count is 88W x 50H.

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Drive a Stick - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"Yes, I can drive a stick." Model stitched on 30 Ct. Lilac linen by Weeks Dye Works with Sullivan's floss. Stitch Count: 80H x 58W.

(20 reviews)
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Aged Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Wine gets better with age. The older I get the better I like it."
Model stitched on 14 count white cloth using DMC.
Stitch count: 44W x 140H.

(2 reviews)
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Expired Warranty - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"I don't feel like I'm getting older. It's more like my warranty has expired and my parts are wearing out!" Model stitched on 28 Ct White/Mushroom Lugana using Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 184W x 126H.

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Irony (Laundry Company 3) - Cross Stitch Pattern by Hands On Design
"Irony - the opposite of wrinkly" Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. White Belfast linen with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 63x91

(1 review)
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Size Will Not Matter - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"When I am old... size will not matter!" Model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC floss, Gentle Art Sampler threads and Rainbow Gallery Petite Treasure braids. Stitch count 84w x 47h

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Frogs in Your Underpants - Cross Stitch Pattern by The Nebby Needle
"May the light always find you on a dreary day. When you need a home may you find your way. May you always have courage to take a chance - and never find frogs in your underpants." Model stitched over 2 threads on 36 Ct. Vintage Lentil with Weeks Dye Works floss and Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 166W x 165H.

(1 review)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

(2 reviews)
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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

(1 review)
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When I am Old I Will Celebrate More - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with DMC floss, Mill Hill beads and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 65W x 71H

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Well Behaved Women - Cross Stitch Kit by Lizzie Kate
"Well behaved women rarely make history." Kit includes pattern, 27 Ct. Cream linen, pattern, and button. Also required, but not included are Gentle Art Sampler threads, Weeks Dye Works floss and DMC floss (or all DMC 744, 3811, 3705, 829, 3848, 731, 3348). Stitch Count: 44W x 101H. Finished Size: 3.5" x 7.75"

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Stitching Each Day - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
"Stitching each day keeps the crazy away!" Model stitched over two on 30 Ct. Parchment Linen by Weeks Dye Works using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts floss. (DMC alternates are 898 315 907 600 894 3809 906 964) Stitch count 85x108.

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I'm Not Old, I'm 25 plus S&H - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
I"m not old, I'm $25 S&H" Model stitched over two on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC, Caron Waterlilies and Gentle Arts threads. Stitch Count: 86W x 57H

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Growing Old is Inevitable - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Growing old is inevitable. Aging is optional." Stitch Count: 84W x 65H

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The Queen - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Features the humorous sentiment "We can't all be the Queen... someone has to sit on the curb and clap as I go by". This cross stitch kit comes complete with 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7".

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Adultish - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"Just another day of not being RICH and FAMOUS" "Adult-ish" "Kinda care, kinda don't." All models were stitched on 30 Ct. Linen color of your choice, using DMC floss. Stitch count for Rich & Famous: 63x80, Stitch count for ADULT-ish: 75x30 & Stitch count for Kinda Care: 51x31.

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Early Bird - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"The early bird can have the worm 'cause worms are gross and mornings are stupid!" Framed model stitched over two threads on 28 Ct. Moonglow by Picture this Plus, using DMC floss & Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch count 70x121. Pillow model stitched on 20 Ct. Banana Popsicle linen by Weeks Dye Works, using DMC Pearl #5 or Dinky Dye's Jumbuck. Stitch count 67x30. Pillow also uses a button pack from Just Another Button Company. (DMC LISTED FOR FRAMED PATTERN ONLY)

(1 review)
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Be a Flamingo - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Be a Flamingo by Dimensions is a light-hearted reminder that it's OK to stand out from the crowd. In this piece, the counted cross stitch design is worked on Aida printed with a watercolor background. Finished size: 5" x 7". This cross stitch kit contains presorted thread, printed 14 count white Aida, needle, and instructions.

(1 review)
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Queen Bee - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"All Hail the Queen." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H

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Do What Your Wife Said - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"If at first you don't succeed do what your wife said!" Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Weeks Dye Works thread, and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count is 127W x 33H.

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Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h. (DMC alternates are 3740 745 3052 937 3802 223)

(1 review)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Don't be shy - "Wine a bit, You'll feel Better!" Includes wine bottle charm. Finished design size is 5 1/4" x 3 3/4" when stitched on 14 Count fabric.

(2 reviews)
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Iced Tea - Cross Stitch Pattern by Midnight Stitching
Model stitched on 28ct jazz cashel using DMC, Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works & Kreinik #4 braid. Stitch count 82x73.

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Cross Stitch Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I like to party - and by party I mean Cross Stitch" Model stitched on 30 Ct. "Linen" linen using DMC floss. Stitch count is Frame - 102W x 65H, Pillow 50W x 34H.

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In Another City - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lindy Stitches
"Happiness is having a large, loving, close-knit family - in another city." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 97W x 68H.

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When I am Old, I Can be Like Lady Godiva by MarNic Designs
Model stitched on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC floss, Kreinik Metallics, and Mill Hill Beads. Also required, but not listed above Rachelette #A59 from Caron Collection. Stitch count is 63W x 82H.

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Fantasy Land - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"When someone told me that I lived in a fantasy land, I nearly fell off my unicorn!" Model stitched on 28 ct. White/Mushroom Lugana using Weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. Stitch count is 109W x 113H.

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Late for Work! - Cross Stitch Pattern by Xs And Ohs
"I read, therefore I am...late for work!" "I stitch, therefore I am...late for work!" You can also change the first line to your own favorite hobby, three additional choices included; garden; sew and shop. Model stitched on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC floss. Two colorways and five design elements included. Stitch count is 122W x 98H.

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Deck the Halls - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Deck the halls and not your family! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 60W x 81H.

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I'm Not Weird - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
"I'm not weird. I'm limited edition." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, wooden hoop and instructions. Finished size: 8".

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No Epitaph Ever Said Her House Was Not Clean by MarNic Designs
Model stitched over two on 28 ct Antique White Jobelan using DMC, Kreinik #4 braid Mill Hill Beads & Rainbow Gallery Petite treasure braid. Stitch Count: 68W x 50H

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Christmas Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
"When, what to my wondering eyes did appear but ten extra pounds on my thighs and my rear." Model stitched over 2 on 28 Ct. Country French Latte using Gentle Art threads. (DMC alternates are 726 912 3832 902 3776 3716 353 938 422 612 3815 321 white) Stitch Count: 96W x 145H

(3 reviews)
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More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.

(1 review)
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The Struggle is Real - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100W x 100H.

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Not My Monkeys - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 174x130. Designed by Ursula Michael.

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Who Ate My Ice Cream? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Vickery Collection
Model stitched on 16 Ct. white Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count 169x107

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Crazy Crafter - Aunty Acid - Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "I run with scissors, I gallop with glue, I'm a crazy crafter, how 'bout you?". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Can't Adult - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Can't Adult Today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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Is It Too Late? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
A message to Santa: "Is it too late to be good?" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Cappuccino Country French Linen with Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 39W x 81H. (DMC alternates are 3852 815 434 500 367 712 310)

(2 reviews)
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Eat the Chocolate - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"4 out of 5 voices in my head say...eat the chocolate!" Variations included for "eat the cupcake", "eat the cookie", and "eat the snack." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 69W x 67H.

(4 reviews)
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Wear A Smile - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32 Ct. Hand Dyed African Daisy Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works. DMC equivalents are 798 3777 3347. Stitch Count: 58W x 50H. Button from Just Another button company sold separately.

(1 review)
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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(3 reviews)
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Dog Hair - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Dog Hair....just another specialty fiber!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and DMC. Stitch Count: 77W x 59H. Buttons from Just Another Button Company sold separately.

(3 reviews)
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How Do You Take Your Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"How do you take your coffee? Seriously, very seriously." Stitch Count: 100W x66H. Model stitched on 32 ct Antique white Jobelan using Gentle Art Simply wool, Caron Waterlilies & DMC.

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Normal Family - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Remember, as far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family". Model stitched on 32 count Antique White Jobelan with Crescent Colours thread. Stitch count is 134W x 86H.

(1 review)
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