Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Stitching Each Day - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
"Stitching each day keeps the crazy away!" Model stitched over two on 30 Ct. Parchment Linen by Weeks Dye Works using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts floss. (DMC alternates are 898 315 907 600 894 3809 906 964) Stitch count 85x108.

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Drive a Stick - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"Yes, I can drive a stick." Model stitched on 30 Ct. Lilac linen by Weeks Dye Works with Sullivan's floss. Stitch Count: 80H x 58W.

(20 reviews)
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Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h. (DMC alternates are 3740 745 3052 937 3802 223)

(1 review)
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Christmas Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
"When, what to my wondering eyes did appear but ten extra pounds on my thighs and my rear." Model stitched over 2 on 28 Ct. Country French Latte using Gentle Art threads. (DMC alternates are 726 912 3832 902 3776 3716 353 938 422 612 3815 321 white) Stitch Count: 96W x 145H

(2 reviews)
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Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread, and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.

(1 review)
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Don't Get Your Tinsel In A Tangle - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 28 count Mushroom Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. The stitch count is 70W x 70H.

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Where the Heart Is - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"Home is where the heart is, even if you can't remember which box you packed it in. Happy new home." Complete kit includes 28 Ct. linen beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Fa La La Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Fa la la la la la la la Wine! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 40W x 55H

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I'm Sorry Did My Eyes Roll Out Loud? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I'm sorry, did my eyes roll out loud" - Model stitched over 2 threads on 30 Ct. Grasshopper linen. Stitch Count: 77x44. "Trust me you can dance love, wine" (with variations for beer, vodka & tequila) - Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 ct. Flapper linen. Stitch Count: 68x47. Both models stiched with DMC floss.

(1 review)
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Dust Bunnies - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "The dust bunnies killed my cleaning fairy". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Is It Too Late? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
A message to Santa: "Is it too late to be good?" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Cappuccino Country French Linen with Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 39W x 81H. (DMC alternates are 3852 815 434 500 367 712 310)

(2 reviews)
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Welcome to the Nuthouse - Cross Stitch Pattern by Waxing Moon Designs
A cute little squirrel welcomes you to "the Nuthouse!" Stitch Count: 71H x 91W. Model was stitched on 28 ct Riviera Country French Linen from Wichelt using Gentle Art Sampler threads (DMC alternates available).

(2 reviews)
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I'm Not Old, I'm 25 plus S&H - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
I"m not old, I'm $25 S&H" Model stitched over two on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC, Caron Waterlilies and Gentle Arts threads. Stitch Count: 86W x 57H

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No Epitaph Ever Said Her House Was Not Clean by MarNic Designs
Model stitched over two on 28 ct Antique White Jobelan using DMC, Kreinik #4 braid Mill Hill Beads & Rainbow Gallery Petite treasure braid. Stitch Count: 68W x 50H

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Irony (Laundry Company 3) - Cross Stitch Pattern by Hands On Design
"Irony - the opposite of wrinkly" Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. White Belfast linen with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 63x91

(1 review)
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Biker Babes - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
Model Stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 89W x 81H

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Frogs in Your Underpants - Cross Stitch Pattern by The Nebby Needle
"May the light always find you on a dreary day. When you need a home may you find your way. May you always have courage to take a chance - and never find frogs in your underpants." Model stitched over 2 threads on 36 Ct. Vintage Lentil with Weeks Dye Works floss and Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 166W x 165H.

(1 review)
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Adultish - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"Just another day of not being RICH and FAMOUS" "Adult-ish" "Kinda care, kinda don't." All models were stitched on 30 Ct. Linen color of your choice, using DMC floss. Stitch count for Rich & Famous: 63x80, Stitch count for ADULT-ish: 75x30 & Stitch count for Kinda Care: 51x31.

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Be a Flamingo - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Be a Flamingo by Dimensions is a light-hearted reminder that it's OK to stand out from the crowd. In this piece, the counted cross stitch design is worked on Aida printed with a watercolor background. Finished size: 5" x 7". This cross stitch kit contains presorted thread, printed 14 count white Aida, needle, and instructions.

(1 review)
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The Queen - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Features the humorous sentiment "We can't all be the Queen... someone has to sit on the curb and clap as I go by". This cross stitch kit comes complete with 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7".

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Inner Unicorn - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and DMC Light Effects. Stitch Count: 100W x 140H.

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Not My Monkeys - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Not my circus, not my monkeys." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 174x130. Designed by Ursula Michael.

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Our Family Tree - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Our family tree has deep roots and lots of nuts." Model was stitched on 32 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan from Wichelt using Weeks Dye Works threads. Stitch count: 85W x 53H.

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Can't Adult - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Can't Adult Today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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A Few Hoots - Cross Stitch Pattern by Imaginating
"Families are like owls. Mostly sweet with a few hoots." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 83x210. Designed by Ursula Michael.

(3 reviews)
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Early to Bed - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Early to bed, early to rise. Who are we kidding?" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 53W x 85H.

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Frog Parking - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cross stitch kit features frogs and the humorous sentiment "Frog parking only - all others will be toad". This kit contains 14-count blue Aida fabric, pre-sorted six-strand 100% cotton floss, needle, graph and instructions. Design: Frog Parking: 7"x5".

(1 review)
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Water Essential - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Water is the most essential element of life, without it u can't make coffee." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Beige Jobelan with Caron Collection Waterlilies and DMC floss. Stitch Count: 121W x 103H

(1 review)
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Wine a Bit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Wine a bit... you'll feel better!" Model stitched on 30 count Natural Northern Cross Linen with Weeks Dye Works, Crescent Colours, And Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 32W x 62H.

(2 reviews)
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Eat the Chocolate - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"4 out of 5 voices in my head say...eat the chocolate!" Variations included for "eat the cupcake", "eat the cookie", and "eat the snack." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Stitch Count: 69W x 67H.

(4 reviews)
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Aged Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Wine gets better with age. The older I get the better I like it."
Model stitched on 14 count white cloth using DMC.
Stitch count: 44W x 140H.

(2 reviews)
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Cape And Tiara - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world." Complete kit includes 28 ct orange linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(3 reviews)
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Hen Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Little House Needleworks
Model stitched on 28ct. Creme Brulee using DMC & Crescent Colours. Uses Mill Hill Glass Seed Beads and a Tiny Tuscan Sun Swirly Bud by Just Another Button Company. Stitch count: 82 x 54.

(1 review)
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Laundry Today Learn-A-Craft - Beginner Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
With its humorous sentiment, Laundry Today is a fun way to get the family to pick up their clothes! A great design for beginners to learn counted cross stitch. Finished Size: 6" diameter (15 cm). Contains presorted cotton thread, 14 count white cotton Aida, 6" plastic hoop, needle and easy instructions.

(2 reviews)
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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting holy cow what a ride".
Model stitched on 14 count White Aida with DMC floss.
The stitch count is 84W x 144H.

(1 review)
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Iced Tea - Cross Stitch Pattern by Midnight Stitching
Model stitched on 28ct jazz cashel using DMC, Gentle Arts, Weeks Dye Works & Kreinik #4 braid. Stitch count 82x73.

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All About Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"It IS all about me!" Model stitched on 32 Ct. Antique White Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and shown with buttons from Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 89W x 57H.

(4 reviews)
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Deck the Halls - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Deck the halls and not your family! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 60W x 81H.

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Ho Ho No - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Ho Ho No! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 40W x 51H

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Let it Begin With Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Let there be caffeine on Earth and let it begin with me!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte with Weeks Dye Works floss (or DMC 829, 610, 433, 898, 3031, 3371). Stitch Count: 126W x 98H. Second model for "cabernet" instead of "caffeine" was stitched over 1 thread on 32 Ct. Vintage Lentil by Lakeside Linens with Weeks Dye Works floss (Caper, Charcoal, Lancaster Red, Eggplant, Crimson, Peacoat).

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Retirement Crazy - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
"Retirement is a Full Time Job" is stitched on 28 count Country French Latte Linen with a stitch count of 54W x 72H. "Welcome to the Rest of Your Life" is stitched on 28 count Sand Quaker with a stitch count of 80W x 68H. "World's Longest Coffee Break" is stitched on 32 count Lambswool Linen with a stitch count of 69W x 68H. Models use Gentle Arts Sampler Threads and Weeks Dye Works. (DMC alternates are 931 729 347 3823 3362 930)

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Wear A Smile - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lizzie Kate
Model stitched on 32 Ct. Hand Dyed African Daisy Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works. DMC equivalents are 798 3777 3347. Stitch Count: 58W x 50H. Button from Just Another button company sold separately.

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Go Pollinate Yourself - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
Model stitched on 28 Ct. Antique White Cashel linen with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100x90.

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Rose Colored Glasses - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
When the going gets tough, put on your Rose Colored Glasses! The cute bunny on this counted cross stitch design by Dimensions knows that those glasses can make the world seem like a better place. Finished size: 5" x 7". This cross stitch kit contains presorted thread, 14 count white Aida, needle, and instructions.

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Singing Cow - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
The complete kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, instructions and green Flexi-Hoop. Finished size: 8" x 10.4"

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Great Man - Aunty Acid - Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

(1 review)
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Taste Your Words- Aunty Acid- Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "Remember: be sure to taste your words before you spit them out". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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The Struggle is Real - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100W x 100H.

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To Glam to Give a Damn - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H.

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Bathing Beauties - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
This Cross Stitch Kit comes complete with 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, Beads, and Fully Illustrated Instructions. 12" x 12".

(3 reviews)
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Country Wise - Cross Stitch Pattern by Prairie Schooler
Models stitched over two threads on 32 count linen using DMC thread. Stitch count: "Plan Ahead" - 157W x 38H; "Keep it Simple" - 160W x 38H; "Measure Twice" - 113W x 70H; "The Witch is In" - 59W x 41H. Book #130

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