Humorous - Cross Stitch Patterns & Kits


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Laundry Today Learn-A-Craft - Beginner Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
With its humorous sentiment, Laundry Today is a fun way to get the family to pick up their clothes! A great design for beginners to learn counted cross stitch. Finished Size: 6" diameter (15 cm). Contains presorted cotton thread, 14 count white cotton Aida, 6" plastic hoop, needle and easy instructions.

(2 reviews)
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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Pattern by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out shouting holy cow what a ride".
Model stitched on 14 count White Aida with DMC floss.
The stitch count is 84W x 144H.

(2 reviews)
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Morning Dog - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Featuring the humorous sentiment "Do I look like a morning person". This Counted Cross Stitch kit comes complete with: 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, and Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7"

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Packed Up Her Potential - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"She packed up her potential and all that she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of shoes and headed out to change a few things." Complete kit includes 28 ct white linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Pirate's Creed - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"The beatings will continue until morale improves." Model was stitched on Summer Khaki Lugana, 28 ct. Uses DMC floss. When stitched on 14/28 count fabric, this design fits nicely into a standard 5" x 7" frame. Includes silver pirate charm.

(3 reviews)
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Retirement - Cross Stitch Pattern by Designs By Lisa
"Retirement - Feel the Joy!" was stitched on 28 Ct. Sky Blue Linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads. Stitch Count: 63W x 72H.
"Can't Make Me, I'm Retired" was stitched on 28 Ct. Lambswool linen with Gentle Art Sampler Threads. Count:85x65.
(DMC alternates are 3045 977 445 3363 792 791 3802 3371 310)

(3 reviews)
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Cross Stitch Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I like to party - and by party I mean Cross Stitch" Model stitched on 30 Ct. "Linen" linen using DMC floss. Stitch count is Frame - 102W x 65H, Pillow 50W x 34H.

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Ho Ho No - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Ho Ho No! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 40W x 51H

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Deck the Halls - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Deck the halls and not your family! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 60W x 81H.

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Fa La La Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Fa la la la la la la la Wine! Model stitched on 14 Ct. Antique White Aida with DMC floss. Stitch Count: 40W x 55H

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Go Pollinate Yourself - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
Model stitched on 28 Ct. Antique White Cashel linen with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100x90.

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I Like to Party - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"I like to party - and by party I mean Nap!" Model stitched on 28 Ct. Grey w/Dots fabric from Fabric Flair using DMC floss. Stitch count is NAP - 162W x 58H, Just Chillin" 68W x 35H.

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I'm Not Weird - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
"I'm not weird. I'm limited edition." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, wooden hoop and instructions. Finished size: 8".

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Menopausal Dwarfs - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
Names of the seven menopausal dwarfs - "Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Forgetful, and Psycho." Model stitched on 14 Ct. or 28 Ct. fabric of your choice with Sullivan's Floss (or DMC floss 972, 970, 3845, 703, 702, 3608, 3607, 208, 413). Stitch Count: 55x84.

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Singing Cow - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
The complete kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, instructions and green Flexi-Hoop. Finished size: 8" x 10.4"

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Stitch a Day - Cross Stitch Pattern by Amy Bruecken Designs
"A stitch a day keeps the crazy away." Large pillow model stitched on 28 Ct. Pink from Fabric Flair, Small pillow stitched on 35 Ct. Sophia's Pink and Framed model stitched on 28 Ct. Kermit using DMC floss. Stitch count is 88W x 50H.

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Water Essential - Cross Stitch Pattern by MarNic Designs
"Water is the most essential element of life, without it u can't make coffee." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Beige Jobelan with Caron Collection Waterlilies and DMC floss. Stitch Count: 121W x 103H

(2 reviews)
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Where the Heart Is - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"Home is where the heart is, even if you can't remember which box you packed it in. Happy new home." Complete kit includes 28 Ct. linen beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Crazy Crafter - Aunty Acid - Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "I run with scissors, I gallop with glue, I'm a crazy crafter, how 'bout you?". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Do Not Read - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
"Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, I like you!" Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, wooden hoop and instructions. Finished size: 8".

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Frog Parking - Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
This cross stitch kit features frogs and the humorous sentiment "Frog parking only - all others will be toad". This kit contains 14-count blue Aida fabric, pre-sorted six-strand 100% cotton floss, needle, graph and instructions. Design: Frog Parking: 7"x5".

(1 review)
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I Should Quit - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I should quit while I'm behind." Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 99W x 67H.

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I'm Sorry - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
"I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry - in need of coffee - tired." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, wooden hoop and instructions. Finished size: 8".

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In Another City - Cross Stitch Pattern by Lindy Stitches
"Happiness is having a large, loving, close-knit family - in another city." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count is 97W x 68H.

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Inner Unicorn - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and DMC Light Effects. Stitch Count: 100W x 140H.

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Lost It! - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I think I've lost my mind - maybe it's with my car keys!!!" Model stitched on 28 count Cream Lugana with Weeks Dye Works and Just Another Button Company. Stitch Count: 55W x 61H.

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More Than Coffee - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"I love you more than coffee, just not always before coffee." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Country French Latte linen with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 126W x 98H.

(1 review)
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Reading Cow - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
The complete kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, instructions and green Flexi-Hoop. Finished size: 8" x 10.4"

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The Queen - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Features the humorous sentiment "We can't all be the Queen... someone has to sit on the curb and clap as I go by". This cross stitch kit comes complete with 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7".

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The Struggle is Real - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 100W x 100H.

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Too Glam to Give a Damn - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"Believe in your inner unicorn." Model stitched on 14 Ct. White aida with DMC floss and Kreinik #4 Braid. Stitch Count: 120W x 120H.

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A Very Faint Line - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"The line is very faint between hobby and mental illness." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ivory Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss and Just Another Button Company buttons (4483S, 1171S, 3361, 3369M, 3387). Stitch Count: 48W x 83H.

(2 reviews)
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Bow Before Me - Cross Stitch Pattern by Peacock and Fig
"It's my birthday. Bow before me, peasants!" Model stitched over 2 threads on 25 Ct. Moss Celadon Lugana with DMC floss, Kreinik #4 Braid, and Mill Hill Beads. Stitch Count: 100W x 120H.

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Cake Required - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"A great many things can be resolved with kindness. Even more with laughter, but there are some things that just require cake." Complete kit includes 28 ct green linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Can't Adult - Humorous Cross Stitch Kit by Dimensions
Features the humorous sentiment "I Can't Adult Today". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, thread, one needle, one 6 inch plastic hoop and easy to follow instructions. Finished size: 6 inches round.

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Cape And Tiara - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world." Complete kit includes 28 ct orange linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

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Fantasy Land - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"When someone told me that I lived in a fantasy land, I nearly fell off my unicorn!" Model stitched on 28 ct. White/Mushroom Lugana using Weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. Stitch count is 109W x 113H.

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Inner Tube - Beaded Cross Stitch Kit by Mill Hill
"Success is just having one more patch than you have holes in your inner tube." Complete kit includes 28 ct pink linen, beads, floss, needle, chart and instructions. Finished size 7" x 7". Curly Girl Design.

(1 review)
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Late for Work! - Cross Stitch Pattern by Xs And Ohs
"I read, therefore I am...late for work!" "I stitch, therefore I am...late for work!" You can also change the first line to your own favorite hobby, three additional choices included; garden; sew and shop. Model stitched on 28 Ct. Antique White Jobelan using DMC floss. Two colorways and five design elements included. Stitch count is 122W x 98H.

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Life's Journey - Cross Stitch Kit by Bobbie G Designs
"Life's journey is not to arrive safely at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out, shouting Holy Cow what a ride - unknown." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, thread, needle, chart, instructions, and color key. Finished size is 6" x 10.5".

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Morning Person- Aunty Acid- Cross Stitch Kit by Janlynn
Features the humorous sentiment "I could definitely be a morning person if morning started at noon". This cross stitch kit contains 14-count white Aida, cotton floss, floss card, needle, graph and instructions (mat and frame are not included).

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Normal Family - Cross Stitch Pattern by My Big Toe Designs
"Remember, as far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family". Model stitched on 32 count Antique White Jobelan with Crescent Colours thread. Stitch count is 134W x 86H.

(1 review)
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Patch Patch Patch - Cross Stitch Pattern by Kooler Design Studio
Are you feeling your age??? After 40 it's Patch, Patch, Patch! A whimsical celebrtion of the joys of reaching "matu-rut-y". Stitch Count 51w X 75h. Finished size on 10-count 5" X 7". Model stitched on 10 Count White Aida.

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Sea Hag - Cross Stitch Pattern by Pickle Barrel Designs
"Sea Hag - noun [see hag]. Mermaid before coffee." Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Juilee Evenweave using weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. Stitch count is 95W x 101H.

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Snowman Kit - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
What do you need to build a snowman? A warm hat, scarf, and mittens, a carrot nose, pipe, coal....oh and of course, plenty of snow! Model stitched on 28 Ct. Ice Blue Lugana. Stitch Count: 94W x 121H. Includes snowflake charm.

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Troubled Water - Cross Stitch Pattern by Ink Circles
The first in a "Bad Neighborhoods" series - featuring dead fish floating in the water! Model stitched on 30 Ct. Beige linen with Gentle Art Sampler threads (or DMC 3013, 3328, 3854, 3835, 3773, 746, 801, 3363, 932, 612). Stitch Count: 71x81.

(2 reviews)
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Wake Up - Cross Stitch Kit by Permin
"Wake Up, Kiss Ass, Repeat." Kit includes 14 Ct. White Aida, pattern, thread, needle, wooden hoop and instructions. Finished size: 8".

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Who Ate My Ice Cream? - Cross Stitch Pattern by Vickery Collection
Model stitched on 16 Ct. white Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count 169x107

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Women are Angels - Cross Stitch Pattern by Sue Hillis
"Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly.. on our broomsticks. We're flexible like that!" Model stitched on 14/28 count Antique White Lugana using Sullivan's floss or DMC floss. Stitch count: 125W x 97H.

(2 reviews)
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Work - Cross Stitch Kit by Design Works
Featuring the humorous office sentiment "Work fascinates me... I can sit and look at it for hours". This Counted Cross Stitch kit comes complete with: 14 Count Aida Fabric, 100% Cotton Embroidery Floss, #24 Tapestry Needle, and Fully Illustrated Instructions. 5" x 7".

(1 review)
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