Humorous Cross Stitch Patterns

Floss Chicken - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Noteworthy Needle
$8.00  $719
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In the battle of Floss Chicken, sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. An obvious loss on the final letter.

Pattern is stitched on 32 ct. raw linen with DMC floss. The stitch count is 98 x 66 and the finished size is 6.13" x 4.13".
Kitty Glitter - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring a purr-fect design for a cat lover, the words "It's not cat hair, it's kitty glitter".

Stitched on 14 ct. Lavender Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 85 x 99 and the finished size is 6.07" x 7.07".
Things I Learned Growing Up #3 - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring lessons learned while growing up. This pattern includes 2 sayings with the top heading included.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. DMC 3890 and 3891 not listed. Stitch count is 225 x 51. Finished size is 16.07" x 3.64".
Define Naughty - Christmas Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny Christmas pattern that reads " Dear Santa, Define Naughty".

Model stitched on 14 count black Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 107 x 74 and the finished size is 7.6" x 5.3".
Things I Learned Growing Up #1 - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring lessons learned while growing up. This pattern includes 2 sayings with the top heading included.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. DMC 3890 and 3891 not listed. Stitch count is 225 x 99. Finished size is 16.07" x 6.86".
Things I Learned Growing Up #2 - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Pickle Barrel Designs
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Pickle Barrel Designs featuring lessons learned while growing up. This pattern includes 2 sayings with the top heading included.

Pattern is stitched on 14 ct Aida using DMC threads. Stitch count is 225 x 51. Finished size is 16.07" x 3.64".
Love You Warts'n All - Valentines Cross Stitch Pattern
by Val's Stuff
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog with the Valentine's Day sentiment "love you warts n' all."

Stitched on 36 count Cherry Vanilla by Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 61w x 37h Finished size is 3.39 in wide X 2.06 in high.
Deja Poo - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$9.00  $854
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This cross stitch pattern from Dirty Annie's Southern Style says "Deja Poo - a feeling that one has see or heard this crap before."

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Shadow linen from Picture This Plus with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 70x70. Finished size: 4.37" x 4.37".
Coffee Drinker's Confession - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$10.00  $899
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"I don't have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without coffee."

Model stitched one thread over two on 40 Ct. Wren using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 150W x 70H. Finished Size: 8" x 4"
Housework Never Killed Anyone - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$6.00  $485 to $539
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Model stitched on 32ct. lambswool linen using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts Sampler Threads. Stitch count: 109w x 45h.
Haunted Hill Road - Halloween Cross Stitch Pattern
by Little Stitch Girl
$1199
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Cross stitch pattern from Little Stitch Girl featuring a spooky Halloween scene with haunted houses, witch, skeleton, ghost, bats, and "Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet"!

Model stitched on 32 Count Linen "Colonial Parchment" with DMC, The Gentle Art, Classic Colorworks, and Weeks Dye Works thread. Stitch Count: 174W x 97H. Finished size 10.9" x 5.9"
Marriage - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"Marriage lets you annoy one special person every day for the rest of your life." Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss. Stitch Count: 99W x 99H.
Aged Wine - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Bobbie G Designs
$6.00  $539
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Pattern by Bobbie G Designs featuring some wine bottles with the phrase, "Wine gets better with age. The older I get the better I like it."

Model stitched on 14 count white cloth using DMC. Stitch count: 44W x 140H and the finished size is 3.14" x 10".
Drive a Stick - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Sue Hillis
$6.00  $539
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"Yes, I can drive a stick." Model stitched on 30 Ct. Lilac linen by Weeks Dye Works with Sullivan's floss. Stitch Count: 80H x 58W.
Superpower - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a cute design that reads "Stitching is my superpower".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 137 x 126 and the finished size is 9.8" x 9"
Welcome To Our Coop - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with chickens and chicks that reads "Welcome to our coop, we're all cluckin crazy here".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 141 x 53 and the finished size is 10.1" x 3.8"
What Is A Teacher? - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design describing how great a teacher is with the description, "Teacher (n) Tee-Cher: A multi-tasking educational rockstar who lives to inspire and loves to encourage, they're kind of a big deal".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 167 x 140 and the finished size is 11.9" x 10"
Won't Quit - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1425
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design that reads "I won't quit but I will cuss the whole time".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 83 x 74 and the finished size is 5.9" x 5.3"
Zombies - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1425
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design that reads "If Zombies chase us, I'm tripping you. (nothing personal)."

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 111 x 76 and the finished size is 7.9" x 5.4"
Shenanigans - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny pattern that reads "Prone to Shenanigans and Malarkey".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 140 x 86 and the finished size is 10" x 6.1".
Poops and Giggles - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with the words "It's all S**** and giggles until someone giggles and S****" with a roll of toilet paper.

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 139 x 194 and the finished size is 9.9" x 13.9".
Shady Beach - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a punny design with palm trees and the words "Nobody likes a shady beach".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 132 x 109 and the finished size is 9.4" x 7.8".
Good Moms - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with a hand mixer and the words "Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 131 x 123 and the finished size is 9.4" x 8.8".
Boo Bees - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring two bumblebees dressed up like ghosts with the words "Boo Bees".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 159 x 148 and the finished size is 11.4" x 10.6".
Candy Corn - Halloween Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1425
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring an angry looking candy corn with the words "Yeah, well I don't like you either".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 89 x 125 and the finished size is 6.4" x 8.9".
Chickens Crossing Roads - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $2325
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a chicken with the funny words "I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 149 x 208 and the finished size is 10.6" x 14.9".
Easily Distracted - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Stitch Wit
$699 to $1875
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Cross stitch pattern by Stitch Wit featuring a funny design with house plants and the words "Easily Distracted By Plants".

Model stitched on 14 count white Aida with DMC floss. The stitch count is 139 x 127 and the finished size is 9.9" x 9.1".
Catfeinated - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Val's Stuff
$10.00  $899
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Cross stitch pattern from Val's Stuff featuring a frog, cup of coffee, and the pun "catfeinated".

Stitched on 27 Count Vintage Country Mocha Linda. Stitch Count: 53w x 80h Finished size is 3.93 in wide X 5.93 in high
Senility Prayer - Christian Cross Stitch Pattern
by Joan Elliott
$1149 to $1399
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Pattern by Joan Elliot featuring the prayer "God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. The good fortune to run into the ones I do. And the eyesight to know the difference".

Stitched on 14 count Aida using DMC floss. Stitch count: 101W x 129H and the finished size is 7" x 9".
Trophy Husband - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Dirty Annie
$9.00  $854
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Note from designer: My husband was pleased as punch when I designed this chart in his honor and mark my words, Your cowboy will be just as tickled when you stitch this up for him!

Model was stitched on 32ct linen. Stitch count is 63 x 63.
Your Issues - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Sue Hillis
$10.00  $899
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Sue Hillis pattern with the saying "Please cancel my subscription to your issues!"

Model stitched on 32ct Toasted Coconut by Colour and Cotton or a warm neutral beige of you choice using DMC or Sullivans thread. Stitch count: 110w x 102h. Stitch on fabric of your choice.
Dirty Dishes - Cross Stitch Pattern
by New York Dreamer
$12.00  $1079
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This cute design from the kitchen by New York Dreamer says "The dishes are looking at me dirty again."

The model was stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Kenneth from Grace Notes Fabric with Weeks Dye Works and DMC floss. Stitch Count: 114 x 86. Finished size: 7.12" x 5.37"
Christmas Pounds - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$9.00  Sale $719
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"When, what to my wondering eyes did appear but ten extra pounds on my thighs and my rear."

Model stitched over 2 on 28 Ct. Country French Latte using Gentle Art threads. Stitch Count: 96W x 145H. Design Size: 7" x 11"
Stitching Each Day - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$8.00  $719
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"Stitching each day keeps the crazy away!"

Model stitched over two on 30 Ct. Parchment Linen by Weeks Dye Works using Weeks Dye Works and Gentle Arts floss. Stitch Count: 85x108. Design Size: 6" x 8"
Choose Your Own Motto Sampler - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Heartstring Samplery
$12.00  $1079
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"All I'm saying is that you've never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time."

Model stitched one over two on 40 Ct. Cocoa using Weeks Dye Works, Gentle Art Sampler Threads, and Classic Colorworks. Stitch Count: 205W x 171H. Finished Size: 11" x 9"
My Stitching Time - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Waxing Moon Designs
$8.00  $719
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"My stitching time is sometimes for your sanity, remember that."

Model stitched over two on 32 Ct. Azure Blue Lugana using Weeks Dye Works. Stitch Count: 83W x 84H. Design Size: 5 1/8" x 5 1/4"
Wouldn't Life Be Great - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Lizzie Kate
$9.00  $809
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"Wouldn't life be great if sweatpants were sexy, Mondays were fun, junk food was good for you, girls didn't cause so much drama, guys weren't so confusing, and saying goodbye only meant until tomorrow". Model stitched on 32 count Lambswool linen with Crescent Colours thread, Weeks Dye Works thread and DMC floss. Stitch count is 221W x 72H.
Dog Crazy - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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"Just one dog short of crazy" Model stitched over 2 threads on 28 Ct. Lambswool Jobelan with Weeks Dye Works floss (or DMC floss 165, 640, 838, 535, 312, 815, 3345, 3045). Stitch Count: 71W x 71H. Design Size: 5" x 5"
Sarcasm is My Love Language - Cross Stitch Pattern
by My Big Toe Designs
$799
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Model stitched over 2 threads on 32 Ct. Queen Anne's Lace Jobelan with Classic Colorworks floss. Stitch Count: 67W x 67H. Finished size: 4" x 4".
Country Wise (Book 130) - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Prairie Schooler
$8.00  $719
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Pattern by Prairie Schooler featuring four fun decisions with cute sayings including, "Keep it Simple,", "Measure Twice, Cut Once", "Plan Ahead" and "The Witch is In".

Models stitched over two threads on 32 count linen using DMC thread. Stitch counts and... Read more
Sassy Threads II - Come To The Dark Side - Cross Stitch
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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COME TO THE DARK SIDE WE HAVE COOKIES guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 140 stitches wide by 99 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 110 stitches wide by 73 stitches high.
Sassy Threads - Ugliness - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
Upcoming Release
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UGLINESS CAN BE FIXED. STUPIDITY IS FOREVER. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 88 stitches wide by 92 stitches high.
Sassy Threads - Sorry - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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SORRY! I DON'T TAKE ORDERS I BARELY TAKE SUGGESTIONS guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 93 stitches wide by 121 stitches high.
Sassy Threads - It's Okay - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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IT'S OKAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME. NOT EVERYONE HAS GOOD TASTE. guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 90 stitches wide by 123 stitches high.
Sassy Threads - It's A Beautiful Day - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO LEAVE ME ALONE guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 90 stitches wide by 123 stitches high.
Sassy Threads - I'm Not Weird - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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I'M NOT WEIRD I'M LIMITED EDITION guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 90 stitches wide by 123 stitches high.
Sassy Threads - I Run - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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I RUN A TIGHT SHIPWRECK guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 90 stitches wide by 123 stitches high.
Sassy Threads - Hold On - Cross Stitch Pattern
by Cross Stitch Wonders
$7.00  $665
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HOLD ON LET ME OVER THINK THIS guarantees a dash of wit and humor in your stitching projects. Stitch the entire design including the notepad or stitch just the Sassy Threads saying.

Full design is 109 stitches wide by 160 stitches high. Just the Sassy Threads saying portion is 90 stitches wide by 123 stitches high.


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